I turned 23 a few days ago. Yet another year had passed. The door was ajar as it always is when I wake up and the heat had already crept into the living room. Nothing was particularly different. Everything was the way it should be or as I expected them to be. Everything was unremarkable. Just as every other birthday that's come and gone in the past few years. There were no birthday gifts waiting to be un-wrapped neither was there a celebration being prepared nor did I have plans of my own.

I slept earlier than usual the night before, so my phone was already full of messages from well-wishers and friends in the morning. They were the usual people with a few new ones - friends, acquaintances and co-workers I had met and made in the 365 days between birthdays. I was looking forward to a birthday spent in relative comfort since birthdays only fall on weekends once every several years. I expected this peace to be dinstinctly obliterated as soon as my nephew and niece arrived.

There was some food, of course, but just your regular fare. Nothing fancier than a regular meal you'd have in a day at work. My family rarely eats at home and if we do, we rarely ever eat at the same time. So it is, in some ways, a chance for us to do something together. A lot of other families might have this sort of thing occur every night at dinner or at least on Sundays, we have it when there is an occassion for it. Then again, the only indication that this was a birthday at all was a cake and a few boisterous jeers and cheers.

The other day, a good friend asked me if I was still basking in the after-glow of my birthday, this being the week immediately after. Unfortunately, there is no after-glow and there never was. My birthdays have always been rather low-key. Sometimes I just prefer it that way, other times I just don't make the effort to see people or prepare any activities. I also like the idea of keeping my birthday to myself just to see who remembers. It's not an absoulte and clear indication of whoever cares for you but, just the same, it tells you who cares enough to keep track of birthdays. Somtimes, it might just surprise me who does. This year wasn't full of surprises.

Being 23 doesn't feel any more different than how I felt a day before my birthday or any of the days before that for as long as I can remember. In time I will feel the changes as my life on this earth steadily wears aways my body but I suppose that I am still on my way up to that place people call the prime of my life. In concept, I do feel older, in that at 23 I've already had so many experiences outside the comfortable and familiar environments of home and school having graduated a bit early and having been introduced to the nuances of the real world even earlier. And, yet, when you or I really think about it, 23 is so young. I haven't even begun to taste the bittersweet offerings of this life. I do realize, however, that time slows down for no one, and while I easily enjoy youth for the moment, it just as easily will slip away, inexorably and inevitably. That's why I am pressured - pressured to excel, to succeed and achieve everything that I've ever dreamed of achieving, and at the same time enjoy myself and my youth while doing it - as is anybody else who knows the true meaning of fulfillment. I know it sounds so idealistic but I pride myself in the fact that I've remained true to my values so far after college when others become disillusioned. But, as my friend said, she too felt invincible when she was 23, who knows how I will feel when I'm much much older?

It's funny, really, how people feel so much older than they really are or think that their experiences in life have made them so much more mature for their age. (It's even funnier how some people keep saying "matured" and not "mature", the former being a verb and the latter an adjective. While it is still technically correct, in terms of common and proper usage it isn't. Just a side note.) In a way, people want to be perceived as mature - it being such a wonderful virtue - but are we really? Sometimes we judge ourselves either too hastily or in much too good a light. Having realized this, I have to admit that I might be more mature than I was before but not nearly as mature as I would like to be. Again, in time, this shall come to pass but for the moment, I will have to do with what I have learned so far.

P.S.

I did receive gift. Just yesterday. The same friend who asked about basking in the after glow of my birthday had some food delivered to my office - a rosemary chicken sandwich, iced tea and a "my little oscar" cake. For that, many thanks. I also received a journal, custom-made with brown pseudo-parchment paper, a couple of weeks before.

I will post pictures from my birthday soon.