cachinnate \KAK-uh-nayt\verb
: to laugh loudly or immoderately

baksheesh \BAK-sheesh\noun
: payment (as a tip or bribe) to expedite service

effusive \ih-FYOO-siv\ adjective
*1 : marked by the expression of great or excessive emotion or enthusiasm
2 : characterized or formed by a nonexplosive outpouring of lava

Dear Angel,

The myst that hides you simply frustrates me. I seek to understand something that might not wish to be understood at all. I struggle to hear that which might not want to be heard. I strain to get a glimpse of that which might never be seen.

word for the day:

putative \PYOO-tuh-tiv\ adjective
1 : commonly accepted or supposed
*2 : assumed to exist or to have existed

Example sentence:
Until scientists could identify the putative infectious agent behind the disease, which they assumed to be a virus,
there was no hope of finding a cure.

Courtesy of Merriam-Webster's word of the day.

so many people have asked me about angel. she is without time, without space and without identity because she is noone and nowhere and not anywhere in time. she is who i refer to when i am referring to noone or if im referring to everyone or if i'm referring to someone.

Dear Angel,

Even then when I knew so little you intrigued me but now that I know so much I am in awe. Even then when we were worlds apart you struck me but now that we are so close I am captivated. Even then I longed for you and still I long for you now. You took my breath away then and still you take it away now.

Some words:

revanche \ruh-VAHNSH (vowel in second syllable pronounced nasally)\noun : revenge; especially : a usually political policy designed to recover lost territory or status

devoir \duh-VWAHR\noun : *1 : duty, responsibility 2 : a usually formal act of civility or respect

hypnagogic \hip-nuh-GAH-jik\adjective : of, relating to, or occurring in the period of drowsiness immediately preceding sleep

WYSIWYG \WIH-zee-wig\noun : a display generated by word-processing or desktop-publishing software that exactly reflects the appearance of the printed document

foment \FOH-ment\verb : to promote the growth or development of : rouse, incite

bellwether \BEL-WEH-ther ("th" as in "this")\noun : one that takes the lead or initiative : leader; also : an indicator of trends

I am going to miss these days. In my old age I will look back at all these and smile knowing full well that I have lived my life and enjoyed it. And I will also cry knowing that I will never again be able to live like this again except in distant memories. I am going to long for days like these when I can just about squander all the exuberance of my youth on any triviality that I find fanciful.

Lord,

Spare me from this hate that seethes within me. Spare me from this lust. Keep still my violent heart. Save me from this fire that burns me even while my body trembles from the cold.

Work is so de-motivating. It's not even motivating to being with. Fact is they hired us because we're self-motivated, self-driven. They know that there is little they can do, or little they know how to motivate people. What little motivation I had brewing up within me when I started has all but ebbed away! Somebody find me a job!!!

I find that my appraisal hurt because some of the things said were in one way or another true but not completely. Somehow, I can't help but think maybe I could've done better. But for my commitment to be questioned, how dare they?! My commitment to my responsbility and diligence has always been my pride. How could they question that? Have I not had headaches enough? Have I not spared so many weekends?? Have I not worked far beyond my responsibility? And do they not pay me less than what I am worth? And to be called un-creative? What is that all about? Un-creative because I followed format? How else am I supposed to create a report? It's an effin report in an effin regional format you effin Moron!! Sheesh... And they tell me that as a management trainee I'm supposed to always go the extra mile. What extra mile? I remember being told that I will always work as expected. If I finish a project 1 year in advance, it's still as expected. There is no extra mile! And low EQ? Low EQ my effin ass!! If they had the EQ of a billy goat they'd know the least bit about motivating their employees. Sheesh, low EQ my ass. Mother effin morons don't even know the amount of backstabbing and rumor-mongering goes on around the office about them. Effin morons.

Then what motivation is there for me to work harder?? There is no money here. I can clearly remember being told during the interview, "if you're looking to get rich, you're in the wrong place." Somebody find me a job!!

I guess sometimes some people never try to understand only judge. Today I have once again been judged based on my appearance. I have been called arrogant, dark and unfriendly. I have been criticized for having low EQ and for being so transparent and honest. And I have been advised to put on a lighter personality. "Yes, Anton, you are very intuitive and intelligent but..." I think that was the only thing I heard that was good.

Curious Historical Facts:

SHIT

"In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything has to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hits it, not only does it become heavier, but the process of fermentation begins again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stowed below decks in bundles you can see what would (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the if someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOOM!Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term (Ship High In Transit) on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T." (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

FUCK

Even though the acronymic explanations for words such as SHIT, FUCK etc. are indeed interesting and catch our fancy, they are rarely true. FUCK neither stands for:

Fornication Under Consent of the King
Fornication Under Charles the King
Fornication Under Crown of the King
Fornication under Christ, King
Forbidden Under Charter of the King (a sign posted on brothels closed by the Crown)
For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
File Under Carnal Knowledge (how Scotland Yard marked rape files)or others as widely suggested.

The real origin is by far more tedious...

quote[Fuck] was first recorded in English in the 15th century (few acronyms predate the 20th century), with cognates in other Germanic languages. The Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang (Random House, 1994, ISBN 0-394-54427-7) cites Middle Dutch fokken = "to thrust, copulate with"; Norwegian dialect fukka = "to copulate"; and Swedish dialect focka = "to strike, push, copulate" and fock = "penis". Although German ficken may enter the picture somehow, it is problematic in having e-grade, or umlaut, where all the others have o-grade or zero-grade of the vowel. AHD1, following Pokorny, derived "feud", "fey", "fickle", "foe", and "fuck" from an Indo-European root peig2 = "hostile"; but AHD2 and AHD3 have dropped this connection for "fuck" and give no pre-Germanic etymon for it. Eric Partridge, in the 7th edition of Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English (Macmillan, 1970), said that "fuck" "almost certainly" comes from the Indo-European root *peuk- = "to prick" (which is the source of the English words "compunction",
"expunge", "impugn", "poignant", "point", "pounce", "pugilist", "punctuate", "puncture", "pungent", and "pygmy"). Robert Claiborne, in The Roots of English: A Reader's Handbook of Word Origin (Times, 1989) agrees that this is "probably" the etymon. Problems with such theories include a distribution that suggests a North-Sea Germanic areal form rather than an inherited one; the murkiness of the phonetic relations; and the fact that no alleged cognate outside Germanic has sexual connotations.

Dear Angel,

I am writing you now because I know there is a future. A time far beyond when we can look back and recall days gone by such as this, days gone by worth remembering because of simple hugs and kisses or even simple letters offering nothing more than future memories. A time far beyond when I can read to you once again this very same letter so we may relive our memories. And the future looks so much brighter now and sweeter still because I am forging future memories with you.

I am writing you now because the future is uncertain but today is already unfolding, and while today unfolds and the future unravels, the past is slowly building and as I write this letter, I am building my past with you.

LETTERS TO ANGEL

Finding meaning has been the main purpose of my life but now that I have travelled so far, I have come to realize that its meaning is where I once stood, from whence I came in the first place. And now I am retracing my footsteps, slowly backtracking, hoping that when I get back – if I get back – my life’s meaning would still be there.